Addictions

I have a secret and I am going to confess it.  I am addicted to gaming.  Now, if you are part of my family reading this, this will not come as a shock to you.  However, it is still hard to admit that I need help to control this addiction.

Now, some may think, 'So what?  Big deal, it's just a game.  It's not like it's alcohol or drugs'.  Some addictions seem to be acceptable in society.  Things like coffee, or sugar....or games.  Well, let me share from experience that gaming addiction can be no less dangerous than drugs or alcohol - the effects and consequences may be different, but there is an element of danger to ANY addiction.

Anyway, here's what's interesting to me.  The more addicted I became to 'social' games, the less social I actually became!  Ironic, eh?

I have loved games since I was very young.  ALL games.  Board games, physical games, card games and video games right from the first Atari and pong.  Part of it probably has to do with my competitive nature.  But I've come to realize another part is to do with something that drives all of us - a sense of belonging or community.  And boy, do these game sites understand that!

While my marriage was struggling and I was ignoring some things I needed to work on in my own life, it was very easy to get lost in my gaming world.  Most addictions have nothing to do with the addiction itself.  I've found they actually all fill the same need in different ways - a need for comfort and to 'escape' the real world.  As my marriage is healing - and is already healthier that it has ever been! - and as I face my own shortcomings and work on myself, I am finding it easier to put gaming in it's proper perspective.  And as I confess and yield this addiction to my Heavenly Dad, He not only comforts and cares for me, but blesses me in ways that are unique and special to MY likes and desires.  How awesome is that?!

So, I will continue to enjoy my games, but they are put in their proper place as entertainment and not life consuming.  Besides, I can't play games and crochet at the same time....

Crafts

So, I mentioned that I love to crochet and these past few days I have completely thrown myself back into crocheting and knitting.  I find it so relaxing and rewarding. I made a few things for Christmas and now I wish I had more pictures of some of my projects.  So, I took a few pictures of some of my current projects to show off a bit.

Here is a scarf for my husband.  He wanted 'hunter orange', but this was as close as I could get without driving all over creation.

 

And this is my first attempt at 'felting'.  I hope to use this technique more.

Crocheted slippers and hat.

I found an amazing site that you can sign up to for free that has all kinds of amazing ideas and patterns.  You can check it out at http://www.ravelry.com/

Do not act in haste.

I guess I didn't have to wait too long.  Sometimes, joy really does literally come in the 'morning'.  Part of blogging, (or open journaling as I like to call it sometimes), for me, is that it is a way for me to pour out my feelings and hopefully deal with them in a healthier way.  Feelings are so fickle and at times VERY untrustworthy.  Good thing I did not act out on my feelings yesterday.  I know I would have regretted it.

I went to bed needing a bath, and this morning I feel as if I was given one while I was sleeping.  How refreshing!  Who knows what today may bring?  Well, HE knows.  A reminder that I must continue to persevere. 

So, I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me a much needed bath and ask for strength to let the dirt fall off me today.

My husband sent me a great reminder regarding this this morning.

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.  If you belonged

to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to 

the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.  That is why the world hates you.

  (John 15: 18, 19)

Joy in the morning.

One of my favourite verses is the reason for the title of my blog.  I cling to this verse many, many days.  I long for the days when we will see 'face to face'.  For now, I sometimes feel like it's a very, VERY long night and morning will never come.

Some days are so good!  Nothing can touch me.  People can fling their crap at me and it just rolls right off.  Even if it does stick, I make something better out of it.

Then there are days like today.  And yesterday.  Hmmmm, and the day before that too.  They fling their crap and it sticks.  And then it starts to pile up.  And then it becomes heavy and weighs me down.  And I can't even imagine that there is enough water and soap to clean it off. 

I'm so thankful that the ultimate 'cleaner' cares for me.  I just don't understand why it takes so long to put me in the bath.  Is it because I have dug my heels in and refuse my bath?  I don't think so....and yet, I still feel laden with so much dirt tonight.

Still, I lift up my hands and cry, "Please, Daddy, bath time?"

Yoga, Crochet and Steak

I love my family!  I really do.  I am so thankful that my girls, at 20 and 18, still like to be with me!  They are amazing young women.  I love days like today when there is no set agenda and nothing dramatic going on.  Just a day to spend time together and do whatever.

So, what do yoga, crochet and steak have to do with anything?  Three things that give me joy in my life and all of them on the same day.  Started out with a yoga time with Alyshia.  We were supposed to do our hot yoga class today but it was cancelled because of a broken ceiling.  So, we just did a video at home and it was quite energizing. 

Then we went to the craft store when I got some additional materials for my crafts.  I love to crochet and knit and find it very relaxing and rewarding.  Even better that my family enjoys a lot of my creations.  I've been experimenting with some new patterns and different stitches and get so excited to see the work of my hands.

And then, to top it off, bought the most amazing steak and BBQ'd it myself and it was heavenly.  And now we are sitting watching a movie.  Melissa is not here right now, but she will be joining us soon.

It just doesn't get much better.

Rejoicing!

I have discovered an amazing thing these past few days.  Rejoicing and singing praise music is an excellent way to to help me enjoy life!  Sheesh, I am sure I knew this, but why have I forgotten to practice it?  For the past few days I have been intentional about singing praises.  I put on some of my favourite music in the morning before I start my day.  I listen to it while I am working.  I put it on when I am at home working on the computer or crocheting or making my dinner.  And suddenly my perspective on things has started to shift.  Nothing around me has changed much.  I am still dealing with life - grown children, marriage, my own failures, other annoying people - but something in my spirit has 'lifted'.  I can feel it lifting more and more each day.  And I must say, I like this much better than how I was dealing with life before. 

Really, this shift in my thinking started almost 5 months ago when Robin and I connected with an amazing couple who are giving up their time and sharing their very real marriage miracle with us.  As they guide us and walk beside us and - yes! - even learn from us, something incredible is happening to me.  All the things I KNOW are starting to become the things I DO.  And after only 5 short months (and really, it seems ridiculous that it has been so short a time), the hard work is paying off and I can physically feel this shift taking place.

So, today I was overwhelmed with the blessings in my life.  I am finding I am more sensitive to the people around me - not only those I love and those who are in my life circle, but also for those I don't like very much and those that I only connect with for a brief moment.  I honestly never thought I could feel this kind of compassion or grace.  It's never been part of my 'natural' personality and has never been one of my 'gifts'.  I have always wanted to be more gracious and compassionate but my sense of 'me' usually gets in the way.  The more I rejoice, the more I am able to set myself aside. 

And the irony is that 'myself' is benefiting from it more than I could have ever dreamed.

'Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, rejoice!  Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable...think on these things.'  (paraphrase from Phil. 4:4, 8)

Culture Shock

I personally experienced culture shock when I went to India a few years ago.  HUGE culture shock.  The food, the clothes, the people, the lifestyle.  I was in a very remote, poor area.  Large cities like Chennai or Mumbai are very modern compared to Tenali in the province of Andhra Pradesh.  I hope to go back there one day.  I learned to appreciate so many things I had never been exposed to before.  And while I would love to see some help and change for hygienic and safety reasons, I would not change a thing about the culture. 

Yesterday I was reflecting on another type of 'culture shock'.  The kind that comes right from within my own community.  When I was a teenager I used to go to dances at my school.  I loved dancing!  (still do) I usually worked the snack counter and danced up a storm while I served the food.  During slow moments, I got on the dance floor with my friends and had a blast.  When I would go to church on Sunday and tell my friends there about my weekend, I would get strange looks.  Some even went so far as to kindly point out that 'Christians' do not do these things.  Really?  I mean, I know I still had a lot to learn, but did the Bible really say it was wrong for me to dance?

Over the years, I have experienced this kind of 'culture shock' over and over.  You watch those types of movies?  You listen to that music?  You find that funny?  Let me stress that none of these issues was about sin.  These were all regarding the 'cultural' differences of denominations and churches.  Now I realize it was just a whole lot of legalism and tradition.

I am so thankful that the God I know does not condone this type of behaviour.  He wants me to experience MANY different cultures - whether they are in another country or just around the corner from me. 

I saw a video yesterday that deeply affected me.  It's the 'Revelation Song' performed by Northwood Worship.  (Search it on Youtube...you won't be disappointed.  Languages are Vietnamese, Spanish, and Hmong.)  Beautiful! 

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come.