Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged! A long time since I have written in my journal also. I have learned that it is very important to maturing to keep a journal and record events in my life, even if it's only a point or two every now and then.
So, I want to share a bit about this weekend. I have been struggling with depression still. It has weighed heavy on me for the past two weeks. I am very aware, and convinced, that the medication I am on keeps me from diving deep into hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. But this does not mean that it's not a struggle still!
I relate it to a heavy, lead blanket being laid over me. Or like trying to work through quicksand. I can still function, but everything is so much harder than it usually is.
Now, some of this is still part of the consequences of my own life choices and things that I am too stubborn to admit. Things like spending too much time on the computer playing games or not exercising enough. There is a fine line at times between being unable to do these things and being too lazy to do them. And most times I know the difference, whether I want to own up to it or not!
But other times, there is a direct link to what's going on in my husband's life. And this can be both frustrating and enlightening! This weekend was an example of this in my life.
As part of our marriage restoration, we are in a chapter of our book that requires us to take a whole weekend to set goals and plan for our life in eight specific areas. Spiritual, Marriage, Family, Household, Financial, Career, Personal/Social and Ministry. Over the course of three days, we answered questions, discussed our answers and feelings and came up with objectives for each area. Finally we put those objectives into action and came up with measurable goals for the next few months. And through our discussions I was encouraged supported by my husband.
First, he indicated that there appears to be a direct link between his own struggle to make good choices and confess, when he has not, and my mood. When he ignores the promptings to deal with his issues and follow what we have learned (about having weekly check-in times including times of confession and sharing), he notices a difference in me. When he follows what he is learning about being a servant-leader and is intentional about connecting with me, my mood improves. Sure enough, I started to think clearer after he spoke to me before the weekend, and things only got better and better as we talked through our plans and dreamed together. It was inspirational!
And here is the ultimate proof. We decided that I would start getting up at 6 a.m. (yep, that is in the MORNING when I have rarely risen before 7 a.m.!) and have breakfast together before he goes to work. Now, I know this is only the first day, but I was up and awake and truly enjoyed our morning.
Here's the thing I'm learning - God has some simple strategies that help make this life better IF I choose to follow them. And He will even GIVE me the strength to do so when I ask! I'm not saying life is that simple, but trusting God sure is.
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